different company policies to help mothers-to-be

Big companies have announced different policies to help women and they couldn't be more different:

• Facebook and Apple pay the treatment for female employees who want to freeze their eggs. 
• Vodafone has announced a global maternity policy which ensures 16 weeks full paid to mothers after giving birth, and will pay them 100% of their salary when coming back and working 30 hours per week.

I have clear which one is the way to go: Vodafone. I really think that Facebook and Apple will not help women as the message is clearly "don't you really want to focus on your career and postpone the decision of being mom?". But when is going to be the best moment? To be honest, there is never the "ideal moment" to be a mom if you are thinking in your career. So if your company is even offering you the possibility of postponing it, women may reconsider. It does not help. And it is a serious matter - older women have riskier pregnancies. 

What it helps is if you work for a company willing to pay you a longer maternity leave and then helping you when you are back. That is encouraging. Go Vodafone!

My thoughts about Frauenquote

I am happy that gender equality is a hot topic. Last week was International Women's Day, in the Oscars Patricia Arquette asked for the end of the Gender Gap or many celebrities have asked to Merkel to take into account that poverty is sexist when thinking of the new political measures in the G7. 
I am completely aware that the situation is incredibly thought in poor countries, and I feel lucky that I live in Europe and I could study what I wanted and work in the job I like. Maybe because I have been so lucky, and because my parents made no differences between my brother and me,  I am so shocked now about the expectations that german society has for me since I am a mother. 
I also feel no surprise when I watch the debates about why there are so few women in leading positions in Germany. During the last weeks a new law has been approved, and from 2016 there will be "Frauenquote"/ Women-quota in the boards of companies in Germany. Good or bad? The facts are:

• Very few women have leader positions in Germany (and Merkel does not count, because she does not have kids ;) ).

• The gender gap is higher in Germany than in other countries in Europe.

• The efforts of fixing this situation have failed, so another solution is needed.

So I would say it is good keeping in mind that a quota exists to disappear. If voluntarily not many women are invited to join boards, there should be a law in place. When having women in boards is the norm, a quota will not be needed anymore. And there is existing talent to fill those boards, so it is not a matter that women are not well prepared.
However, as a not-(yet)-Board-eligible-woman what is shocking for me is that there is this huge debate about the women on Company Boards. Shouldn't the debate be focus in how to make easier for any woman to make compatible a career with a family in Germany? In the end most of the women who can get to the Boards are the ones who can afford elite education or expensive childcare.
In my view, the solutions to have more working women in Germany who progress in their career (and eventually join Boards) would be:

• Education from the school. For example, programs to explain in High Schools how women can achieve great jobs or be interested in degrees like Engineering or Business. This will also minimise the Rabenmutter concept. It is a fact that german society makes a woman feel very bad when you want to go back to work. We need the women back to work and not to assume since they are young they will eventually get a minijob when kids are older!

• Krippes, krippes!! Once you are a mom, you need to find affordable daycare for your baby (or daycare at all, depending where you live). As I have been telling in this blog, I have applied to 22 Krippes in Munich and I feel blessed I got one that accepts my baby. I have to pay 820 euros per month for it. Most of the Krippes accept babies that are at least one year, and many of them only half a day. Many women can not afford a solution and they stay at home. 

• School and daycare when kids are older. I am being told that when my daughter is in Grundschule it will be even worse because she will be home at 1pm. I still did not think about this yet, but again this is another example that Germany makes it very difficult to combine work with children.

• I believe maternity leave is just an anecdote in the career life. I do not feel I have lost any knowledge in these six months of maternity leave. I would encourage men and women to take both parental leave. It is very common here that a woman takes 12 months and the man does not, when they can actually share it. It would be great if the men would also take a minimum of paternal leave, because employers will not have problems hiring women or men if they both will take the leave anyway.

• In the companies, female employees should be encouraged in their careers. To be honest, when I look around in the company I work for, I see it is an exception that a woman is a manger, and that is discouraging. Companies should not focus only to hire externally to fill the gap in the Board. The focus has to be also in middle management, in the employees. And the way to do it is not usually with a law, but with bonus to the Executives or Heads of Department to do it.

• And of course, women should be paid exactly like their men peers! THAT should be prosecuted by law: how can male and female employees be paid differently if they have the same position in the same company? How are you going to encourage a woman to continue with her career if she is paid less than her male colleagues and she has to do acrobatics to balance her life with her work?

So in summary, quota is a step but is not the final solution. I think it would be more effective that there are measures that companies pay same salary to men and women, that men take also parental leave, that everywhere in Germany childcare is offered at a fair price, and that there are programs to encourage young girls to pursue a career.

I have a Krippe!!!

Yess we signed a contract with a Krippe. Our baby will start in July, seven and a half months old. Not perfect because I go back to work in mid-May, and my husband goes back to work in mid-June, but we will see how we manage the last weeks of June.
I like very much the place. Philosophy and concept is very good, I can leave the baby from 8 to 9am, and we can pick her up from 5.30 to 6pm. It is walking distance from home. The food is all good quality and they eat three times per day. I liked specially that most of the kids are all day, which is an exception in Bavaria, so is not that she stays alone waiting for us! It is a full day program, and meets kids whose parents also work full time. It is also good that there are more kids with international environment. It costs 820 euro per month, which is more expensive than other Kitas or Elterninitiativen, but I do not have any signal that I would get a place in any of those, so I really appreciate they can take my baby younger than one year old. In all the other places children are taken with at least one year old, and many times childcare is from the morning to 4pm.
I think it is a great chance and she is going to learn a lot, make new friends, and explore the world!

Baby girls are "Pretty & Perfect" , baby boys are "Cool & Clever"

I have discovered today the http://manvspink.com blog and I got inspired to talk about my shopping experience last weekend. My little baby is 3 months old but she already needs clothes for 6 months, so it was time to buy some clothes.
I just wanted to buy some basic underwear. I went to Zara and I saw that they had two types of body sets: one for boys and one for girl. It is ok, I also do not shop in Zara Man section. But then I saw the messages of the clothes:

The girls had the message "Pretty & Perfect" (btw...who wants to be perfect?). The ones for the boys "Cool & Clever". I was of course about to buy the "Cool & Clever" for my little girl, but I decided I would not sponsor in any way these kind of clothes.

Apart from that, all the pijamas for girl were about princesses, with messages such as "it's not easy being a princess".

I went to other shop and it was quite similar, the pijamas for the boys were with "The Genius of the family", and the ones of girls also had the message that is difficult to be a princess.

There were still some clothes from carnivals, and all the area for boys was with Superheroes and the ones of the girls with Princesses. Even the underwear for little kids is so different:

I don't mean that I want that my daughter is dressed as a boy, because I do not dress like a man. Everybody has their style and can be different. However, I am scared that we have these messages since we are born! I do not want my daughter to think she is going to be a little princess and super heroes are for boys. I do not want her to think that she has to find a prince to protect her, or that she can not get what she wants by herself. I know this is just the beginning - it will happen with toys for girls/toys for boys which are defined by gender stereotypes, with books, cartoons and so on. How can we look for an equal society, when we are already sending these messages to the little ones?

Great things of being mom in Germany: Financial Help and Paternal Leave

One of the reasons why many families decide that the mother stays at home is because of the great financial help that families get with the baby.
How long is the maternity leave in Germany? It really depends on the family! In summary:

• The mom has by law a period of "maternity protection" (Mutterschutz), where she receives 100% of her salary, and it is from 6 weeks before the due date, to 8 weeks after due date. In total 14 weeks. The dates are set around the due date and are not flexible. I asked to my HR department if I could start my Mutterschutz later, so it would end later, and I would get my salary for a longer time, as anyway I was feeling great and I work from home, but the answer was NO, by law I had to stop working six weeks before. If the baby is born before the due date, mom has still maternity protection eight weeks after due date. If baby is born after due date, mom has maternity protection eight weeks after birth date, so will be more than 14 weeks in that case. I know that in other countries, for example Spain, the maternity leave covers the 100% of salary and starts when the baby is born, so mother have the 100% of their salary during four months after baby is born, and if they take leave before it is medical leave. 
• Then comes the paid "parental leave"(Elternzeit). These are 14 months that both parents can take, maximum 12 months one person. In my case, my husband took one of these months when the baby was born, and I think is a great idea because this way we were two taking care of her, and also is great for him and bonding with the baby. He is planning to take another two months at a later stage so we can travel together. During this period, the parents get the 67% of their salary with a maximum of 1800 euros neto, and minimum of 300 euros (unless they earn 250k per year as a single parent or 500k as a couple - then they do not get anything). So now comes the maths: If a person stays at home and gets for example 1500 euros, and the alternative is to go to work and pay 800 euros for daycare, it does not really pay off. I believe world would be more equal if mothers and fathers would share the Elternzeit, but the reality is that most of the times the mother takes 12 months and father a maximum of 2. Even HR in my company wrote me that when they informed me about Elternzeit - "fyi usually a mother stays one year at home and father 2 months". Would not be better to share it equally?
• After the paid months, there is an optional extended Elternzeit that is not paid, until the baby is 3 years old. The company has to keep your job position during that time. It is also possible to ask to move the third year to a later stage, until the child is 8 years old. I have done that: I wrote an email asking to move it, I do not have to say the date yet, I just keep it open in case I need to take some months in the future.
• Another financial support is the Kindergeld. This is 184 euro per month for one child, 368 euro for two children, 558 euro for three children and 215 euro for each more child. We get this money transferred each month to our bank account. This money is until the baby is 18 years old, or 25 if does not work yet!

In our case, I decided to take four months of Elternzeit: so I have two months of Maternity Protection after baby is born + the four months of Elternzeit, and I am back to work when baby is six months old. My husband took one month in the beginning and will take two more months later, so one month we are both free and we plan to travel with our baby, and in his last month my transition to job is smoother and hopefully we find a Kita and he can do the "adaption time".

The Mother 'Hood Official Video

This video made my day! I found it very funny and realistic.

It would be so easy if everybody would understood that we are all parents trying to do what we believe is best for our families and kids.
I have to justify all the time why I come back to work, and I always try to be very respectful with the rest and I just give my reasons, never challenging if their option is the best. In the end some days I end up very frustrated and annoyed and I write this blog ;)
This video is so right, and makes so ridiculous the parents that are criticising other ways of parenthood, that I will send it to anybody who starts again challenging me.

Bad news again...

Not a good day today.
I went to day to the Krippe, as I had been told we were selected and we had a contract ready to sign.
I was feeling so lucky, and just going there and wanted to ask a couple of things my husband thought about, like the Betreeungsschlüssel.
I got the contract in my hands, I was explained that per 12 kids they have always 2 adults and there are other people helping around, I was about to leave, and then I said "the contract is from June, isnt it?".
And NO, it was not. She told me that when I visited her she was meaning to start in September. I replied I did the Voranmeldung with starting date 1st of June, and I was assuming that if she called me is because she was looking for a kid from that date. It is January, and I know other Krippes call in April/May for September. I was also talking about leaving my kid with 6 months  - if this was in September, she would not be born yet, and she was with us!Anyway, a misunderstanding.
Then she took the contract from my hands, and said she had to rethink it. I told her I could read the contract meanwhile to see the rest of terms, but she did not give it back to me.

I am very tired as I am thinking in the Krippes since last March, since I saw a positive in the pregnancy test, and I am not sure if I will be closer to a Krippe contract than today. I do not understand why in all the registration forms they ask about entrance date, when is only possible to start in September in Munich (maybe they just want to know the year, as seems takes years to have a place!).
In the end because of this system, I understand women stop working, there is nowhere to leave the kids if you want to work again after six months. Even when you are willing to pay a fortune (you have no other option). This only happens in Germany aagh! Is this the way they have to ensure low rates of unemployment, making it impossible to the women to work once they have children? Because is not well seen that the man takes the leave - my husband taking three months is an exception.

Let's see if they find a solution as the person responsible of the Krippe told me that would phone me again. But I do not see it coming.