Eingewohnung and Kita - first impressions

It is more than four months that I started working. It has been so far so good.
My baby is happy in the Kita, and that is the most important thing. I really feel they are very professional and she is learning a lot and enjoying a lot.
During these four months, two days was sick. I know now winter is coming and it will happen again and again, but so far it has been great. I was a bit concerned as many of the people who were telling me I shouldn't bring the baby to the Kita were saying that she would suffer from different sickness! She had two days fever but I think it was because it was too hot here in Germany and she was not used to that heat.
In all the Kitas there is a period of adaptation "Eingewohnung". During this period, the father or the mother has to be inside the nursery room with the kid during some hours. After some days, the parents are no longer in the room but go to pick their kid up after one hour, two hours...extending the period of time every day. I did not count with that! I thought is ok that there is one week of adaptation but I did not think that people spend 4 to 6 weeks with the adaptation time. In our case, we did it in 7 days. The Kita was understanding that we had to work, and our kid was just so easy, as she started when she was 6 months old, and it was too early to actually miss us! Maybe because she has been in the Kita since so young she is very used to it and she really enjoys it. However, I have heard that many Kitas are completely strict and ask for a minimum of 4 weeks of adaptation, no matter if the kid needs it or not.
In July I was invited to visit an Eltern Initiativ. I was happy with the Kita, but the Eltern Initiativ was bilingual, cheaper and I was very curious about it. Eltern Initiativen are alternatives to normal daycare, that are managed by the families of the kids. It is a great alternative as there are not many places for kids in Munich. The Eltern Initiativ would not work for me. In this case, we would have to take care of one activity (that is ok, for example buying the bread or taking care of the waiting list) or go every three months one weekend to clean the place, but then we would need to be two days per month in "shift", meaning that if anything happens in the nursery, we would have to take care. This can be that somebody from the personnel is sick, and then one of the parents goes during the day to take care of the kids. That does not work with us that we are working. I would not like either that other parents go to take care of the kids. I also found other reasons that I did not like so much, such as they did not have a garden, or the food was delivered frozen once every two weeks.
So in summary, I am very happy I had place for my baby in this Kita! Now lets see how winter goes!

Back to work!

I am back to work, my baby is six months and a half. Here in Germany is very early and an exception, but for most of the people in other countries I had a long maternity leave. Time flew these months, my baby has grown and I love to be with her.
Today was easy day, as I was just getting updated and checking emails from home.
We also attended a meeting in the Krippe, as she will start on Monday. We have some instructions about things to bring (extra socks, body, clothes for the rain). I can't wait to see how it goes, how she gets used to the new place, how she interacts with the other kids...I am sure she is going to learn a lot! Let's see also how we manage everything, but I am very positive.
Last weeks I have been travelling and enjoying the maternity leave. We attended a wedding and there was a babysitter service, and I my heart was broken when I saw she was so happy with the babysitters and did not miss me at all! It is going to be hard to leave her in the krippe but I am convinced that will be the best for her.

different company policies to help mothers-to-be

Big companies have announced different policies to help women and they couldn't be more different:

• Facebook and Apple pay the treatment for female employees who want to freeze their eggs. 
• Vodafone has announced a global maternity policy which ensures 16 weeks full paid to mothers after giving birth, and will pay them 100% of their salary when coming back and working 30 hours per week.

I have clear which one is the way to go: Vodafone. I really think that Facebook and Apple will not help women as the message is clearly "don't you really want to focus on your career and postpone the decision of being mom?". But when is going to be the best moment? To be honest, there is never the "ideal moment" to be a mom if you are thinking in your career. So if your company is even offering you the possibility of postponing it, women may reconsider. It does not help. And it is a serious matter - older women have riskier pregnancies. 

What it helps is if you work for a company willing to pay you a longer maternity leave and then helping you when you are back. That is encouraging. Go Vodafone!

My thoughts about Frauenquote

I am happy that gender equality is a hot topic. Last week was International Women's Day, in the Oscars Patricia Arquette asked for the end of the Gender Gap or many celebrities have asked to Merkel to take into account that poverty is sexist when thinking of the new political measures in the G7. 
I am completely aware that the situation is incredibly thought in poor countries, and I feel lucky that I live in Europe and I could study what I wanted and work in the job I like. Maybe because I have been so lucky, and because my parents made no differences between my brother and me,  I am so shocked now about the expectations that german society has for me since I am a mother. 
I also feel no surprise when I watch the debates about why there are so few women in leading positions in Germany. During the last weeks a new law has been approved, and from 2016 there will be "Frauenquote"/ Women-quota in the boards of companies in Germany. Good or bad? The facts are:

• Very few women have leader positions in Germany (and Merkel does not count, because she does not have kids ;) ).

• The gender gap is higher in Germany than in other countries in Europe.

• The efforts of fixing this situation have failed, so another solution is needed.

So I would say it is good keeping in mind that a quota exists to disappear. If voluntarily not many women are invited to join boards, there should be a law in place. When having women in boards is the norm, a quota will not be needed anymore. And there is existing talent to fill those boards, so it is not a matter that women are not well prepared.
However, as a not-(yet)-Board-eligible-woman what is shocking for me is that there is this huge debate about the women on Company Boards. Shouldn't the debate be focus in how to make easier for any woman to make compatible a career with a family in Germany? In the end most of the women who can get to the Boards are the ones who can afford elite education or expensive childcare.
In my view, the solutions to have more working women in Germany who progress in their career (and eventually join Boards) would be:

• Education from the school. For example, programs to explain in High Schools how women can achieve great jobs or be interested in degrees like Engineering or Business. This will also minimise the Rabenmutter concept. It is a fact that german society makes a woman feel very bad when you want to go back to work. We need the women back to work and not to assume since they are young they will eventually get a minijob when kids are older!

• Krippes, krippes!! Once you are a mom, you need to find affordable daycare for your baby (or daycare at all, depending where you live). As I have been telling in this blog, I have applied to 22 Krippes in Munich and I feel blessed I got one that accepts my baby. I have to pay 820 euros per month for it. Most of the Krippes accept babies that are at least one year, and many of them only half a day. Many women can not afford a solution and they stay at home. 

• School and daycare when kids are older. I am being told that when my daughter is in Grundschule it will be even worse because she will be home at 1pm. I still did not think about this yet, but again this is another example that Germany makes it very difficult to combine work with children.

• I believe maternity leave is just an anecdote in the career life. I do not feel I have lost any knowledge in these six months of maternity leave. I would encourage men and women to take both parental leave. It is very common here that a woman takes 12 months and the man does not, when they can actually share it. It would be great if the men would also take a minimum of paternal leave, because employers will not have problems hiring women or men if they both will take the leave anyway.

• In the companies, female employees should be encouraged in their careers. To be honest, when I look around in the company I work for, I see it is an exception that a woman is a manger, and that is discouraging. Companies should not focus only to hire externally to fill the gap in the Board. The focus has to be also in middle management, in the employees. And the way to do it is not usually with a law, but with bonus to the Executives or Heads of Department to do it.

• And of course, women should be paid exactly like their men peers! THAT should be prosecuted by law: how can male and female employees be paid differently if they have the same position in the same company? How are you going to encourage a woman to continue with her career if she is paid less than her male colleagues and she has to do acrobatics to balance her life with her work?

So in summary, quota is a step but is not the final solution. I think it would be more effective that there are measures that companies pay same salary to men and women, that men take also parental leave, that everywhere in Germany childcare is offered at a fair price, and that there are programs to encourage young girls to pursue a career.

I have a Krippe!!!

Yess we signed a contract with a Krippe. Our baby will start in July, seven and a half months old. Not perfect because I go back to work in mid-May, and my husband goes back to work in mid-June, but we will see how we manage the last weeks of June.
I like very much the place. Philosophy and concept is very good, I can leave the baby from 8 to 9am, and we can pick her up from 5.30 to 6pm. It is walking distance from home. The food is all good quality and they eat three times per day. I liked specially that most of the kids are all day, which is an exception in Bavaria, so is not that she stays alone waiting for us! It is a full day program, and meets kids whose parents also work full time. It is also good that there are more kids with international environment. It costs 820 euro per month, which is more expensive than other Kitas or Elterninitiativen, but I do not have any signal that I would get a place in any of those, so I really appreciate they can take my baby younger than one year old. In all the other places children are taken with at least one year old, and many times childcare is from the morning to 4pm.
I think it is a great chance and she is going to learn a lot, make new friends, and explore the world!

Baby girls are "Pretty & Perfect" , baby boys are "Cool & Clever"

I have discovered today the http://manvspink.com blog and I got inspired to talk about my shopping experience last weekend. My little baby is 3 months old but she already needs clothes for 6 months, so it was time to buy some clothes.
I just wanted to buy some basic underwear. I went to Zara and I saw that they had two types of body sets: one for boys and one for girl. It is ok, I also do not shop in Zara Man section. But then I saw the messages of the clothes:

The girls had the message "Pretty & Perfect" (btw...who wants to be perfect?). The ones for the boys "Cool & Clever". I was of course about to buy the "Cool & Clever" for my little girl, but I decided I would not sponsor in any way these kind of clothes.

Apart from that, all the pijamas for girl were about princesses, with messages such as "it's not easy being a princess".

I went to other shop and it was quite similar, the pijamas for the boys were with "The Genius of the family", and the ones of girls also had the message that is difficult to be a princess.

There were still some clothes from carnivals, and all the area for boys was with Superheroes and the ones of the girls with Princesses. Even the underwear for little kids is so different:

I don't mean that I want that my daughter is dressed as a boy, because I do not dress like a man. Everybody has their style and can be different. However, I am scared that we have these messages since we are born! I do not want my daughter to think she is going to be a little princess and super heroes are for boys. I do not want her to think that she has to find a prince to protect her, or that she can not get what she wants by herself. I know this is just the beginning - it will happen with toys for girls/toys for boys which are defined by gender stereotypes, with books, cartoons and so on. How can we look for an equal society, when we are already sending these messages to the little ones?

Great things of being mom in Germany: Financial Help and Paternal Leave

One of the reasons why many families decide that the mother stays at home is because of the great financial help that families get with the baby.
How long is the maternity leave in Germany? It really depends on the family! In summary:

• The mom has by law a period of "maternity protection" (Mutterschutz), where she receives 100% of her salary, and it is from 6 weeks before the due date, to 8 weeks after due date. In total 14 weeks. The dates are set around the due date and are not flexible. I asked to my HR department if I could start my Mutterschutz later, so it would end later, and I would get my salary for a longer time, as anyway I was feeling great and I work from home, but the answer was NO, by law I had to stop working six weeks before. If the baby is born before the due date, mom has still maternity protection eight weeks after due date. If baby is born after due date, mom has maternity protection eight weeks after birth date, so will be more than 14 weeks in that case. I know that in other countries, for example Spain, the maternity leave covers the 100% of salary and starts when the baby is born, so mother have the 100% of their salary during four months after baby is born, and if they take leave before it is medical leave. 
• Then comes the paid "parental leave"(Elternzeit). These are 14 months that both parents can take, maximum 12 months one person. In my case, my husband took one of these months when the baby was born, and I think is a great idea because this way we were two taking care of her, and also is great for him and bonding with the baby. He is planning to take another two months at a later stage so we can travel together. During this period, the parents get the 67% of their salary with a maximum of 1800 euros neto, and minimum of 300 euros (unless they earn 250k per year as a single parent or 500k as a couple - then they do not get anything). So now comes the maths: If a person stays at home and gets for example 1500 euros, and the alternative is to go to work and pay 800 euros for daycare, it does not really pay off. I believe world would be more equal if mothers and fathers would share the Elternzeit, but the reality is that most of the times the mother takes 12 months and father a maximum of 2. Even HR in my company wrote me that when they informed me about Elternzeit - "fyi usually a mother stays one year at home and father 2 months". Would not be better to share it equally?
• After the paid months, there is an optional extended Elternzeit that is not paid, until the baby is 3 years old. The company has to keep your job position during that time. It is also possible to ask to move the third year to a later stage, until the child is 8 years old. I have done that: I wrote an email asking to move it, I do not have to say the date yet, I just keep it open in case I need to take some months in the future.
• Another financial support is the Kindergeld. This is 184 euro per month for one child, 368 euro for two children, 558 euro for three children and 215 euro for each more child. We get this money transferred each month to our bank account. This money is until the baby is 18 years old, or 25 if does not work yet!

In our case, I decided to take four months of Elternzeit: so I have two months of Maternity Protection after baby is born + the four months of Elternzeit, and I am back to work when baby is six months old. My husband took one month in the beginning and will take two more months later, so one month we are both free and we plan to travel with our baby, and in his last month my transition to job is smoother and hopefully we find a Kita and he can do the "adaption time".

The Mother 'Hood Official Video

This video made my day! I found it very funny and realistic.

It would be so easy if everybody would understood that we are all parents trying to do what we believe is best for our families and kids.
I have to justify all the time why I come back to work, and I always try to be very respectful with the rest and I just give my reasons, never challenging if their option is the best. In the end some days I end up very frustrated and annoyed and I write this blog ;)
This video is so right, and makes so ridiculous the parents that are criticising other ways of parenthood, that I will send it to anybody who starts again challenging me.

Bad news again...

Not a good day today.
I went to day to the Krippe, as I had been told we were selected and we had a contract ready to sign.
I was feeling so lucky, and just going there and wanted to ask a couple of things my husband thought about, like the Betreeungsschlüssel.
I got the contract in my hands, I was explained that per 12 kids they have always 2 adults and there are other people helping around, I was about to leave, and then I said "the contract is from June, isnt it?".
And NO, it was not. She told me that when I visited her she was meaning to start in September. I replied I did the Voranmeldung with starting date 1st of June, and I was assuming that if she called me is because she was looking for a kid from that date. It is January, and I know other Krippes call in April/May for September. I was also talking about leaving my kid with 6 months  - if this was in September, she would not be born yet, and she was with us!Anyway, a misunderstanding.
Then she took the contract from my hands, and said she had to rethink it. I told her I could read the contract meanwhile to see the rest of terms, but she did not give it back to me.

I am very tired as I am thinking in the Krippes since last March, since I saw a positive in the pregnancy test, and I am not sure if I will be closer to a Krippe contract than today. I do not understand why in all the registration forms they ask about entrance date, when is only possible to start in September in Munich (maybe they just want to know the year, as seems takes years to have a place!).
In the end because of this system, I understand women stop working, there is nowhere to leave the kids if you want to work again after six months. Even when you are willing to pay a fortune (you have no other option). This only happens in Germany aagh! Is this the way they have to ensure low rates of unemployment, making it impossible to the women to work once they have children? Because is not well seen that the man takes the leave - my husband taking three months is an exception.

Let's see if they find a solution as the person responsible of the Krippe told me that would phone me again. But I do not see it coming.

About Personalschlüssel and Kitas

I am VERY excited that we got selected for a Krippe. Here in Munich is like finding an apartment - takes lot of time, you have to pass an interview, it is very hard, you pay lot of money and still you feel so lucky. I still cannot believe it!
I got the phone call this morning, and tomorrow I will get the Vertrag (contract). I have one week to read it and then I will go to a contract discussion session.
I was so happy until my husband, who is more critical than me, asked me about the Personalschlüssel or Betreuungsschlüssel. In other words, the ratio of kids per adult. I am not sure, I had such a good feeling when I visited it, I like the philosophy, the premises, the atmosphere I saw, I like that I have found good reviews in Internet of other parents, that they take most of the kids full time, they have international environment, it is the only I have seen that would take a baby under 10 months and exactly the day we want, a great garden...why should I worry so much about that? am I too happy and my german man too cautious? If they are professional, I am sure they have a right rate of babies per adult.
So I have started a bit of research.
My first holy source of information are my girlfriends with babies in Kitas. In my home country this is very normal, and I got answers from three adults for 25 kids from 0-3 years old; other told me that one adult per 8 babies, etc. I asked to a friend in Munich who was visiting many Kitas and said it was normal to find two adults per class of 10-12 kids, or 3 if one is "praktikantin".
The second source was searching in other websites and appear that the ratio in Germany is 4,8 - in Bayern 4.
I will ask tomorrow what is the exact ratio for mine. I hope this is not a problem for us to sign a contract.

A bit of progress

I am very happy because I see a bit of progress! One of the Kitas asked me for an interview. I spent one hour there. I visited the premises, learned about how they work, what is offered for kids and parents etc. Overall I had a very good impression. I was also asked many questions: where do I work, where does my partner work, what we think about general things, etc. The host told me that will give her feedback to the pedagogue of the centre and they will come back to us in a couple of weeks if we get a place.
I liked a lot the place. For me the main things were that there are children with international environment and that most of the kids are full day in the Kita. In Germany is very usual that some kids are only 3-4 hours in the morning and a few stay longer in the day. Many people have told me "Ohh it is so sad when only a couple of kids stay abandoned in the afternoons in the Kitas". Well, in this Kita most of the kids stay full time and there is a full day program so moms are Rabenmutters like me, which is a plus! They are also one of the few Kitas that take kids from months, so they have experience with them. And the whole concept of their philosophy, their activities, the garden, the rooms...also convinced me.
Lets see what happens! Fingers crossed!
As I believe it is absolutely fine to look for daycare for my baby, we shared it with our families. My husband and me explained together to my family in law about it. Then there were a couple of comments, only directed to me:

• "Do you enjoy being with your baby?". What question is this? So do they think I want a full day because I do not enjoy my baby? I enjoy being with my baby more than anything else! But I have my reasons!
• Other relative started hugging the baby: "oooh I am so sorry for her...she is going to feel lonely and get sick....ooh I am so sad" (and repeated the "I am so sad" like 10 times - what a drama queen).

I will soon have a new post of things you should never say to a working mom!
Anyway I am just focusing on my baby, on how happy she is going to be, how much she is going to learn, and I keep looking my phone to see if the Kita phones me to confirm the place!

Kitas!

When I found out I was pregnant, I started registering for Kitas, or daycare for the baby before she is 3 years old. This was in March 2014, and I am looking for a place from June 2015. I still did not get any answer at all, and I am afraid I do not have any chance before September 2015, which it would be fine.
In total we are registered in 18 places in Munich:

• In the state kitas. This is almost impossible, we were told that they have over 1000 kids applying for 24 places. The price changes: if the family income is less thank 15k euros, it is for free; but if it is more than 60k, it is around 421 euros. More information: http://www.muenchen.de/rathaus/Stadtverwaltung/Referat-fuer-Bildung-und-Sport/Kindertageseinrichtungen/gebueren-buchungszeiten.html 
• Caritas Kita. This seems also very difficult. The day I went to register were so many women there, and when I asked how long was the waiting list they just laughed at me. The link to find the closest Caritas Krippe is http://www.caritas-nah-am-naechsten.de/Kindertagesstaetten/Kindertageseinrichtungen-Muenchen/Page011263.aspx. 
• Private Kitas. When I have been visiting them there were only a couple of other mothers, but they did not give us also any hint if we would have a place or not, or how long is the waiting list. There are a few around us. The prices are around 800 euros, including food and in some cases diapers.
• Elterninitiativen. These are daycare places led by the parents of the babies. I found them in this website http://www.elterninitiativen-muenchen.de/, but most of them are for kids that are over a year and a half or two years old. Parents are expected to have responsibilities, such as managing the waiting list, organising events of the Kita, going shopping, etc. Around 6 or 7 hours per month are expected. I think this is very interesting. The price is more expensive than the state kitas, but cheaper than the private ones - around 500 euros.

I contacted them this week again, and only a couple of them answered saying that will contact us around April-May if we are selected, and starting date would be september/october...

I have to start thinking in plan B: Tagesmutter. I will focus in finding a Tagesmutter next week.

Trying to find a Kita!

I had already heard that it was a challenge to find a Kita in Munich. The Kita is the daycare for babies until they go to Kindergarden with 3 years. When I found out I was pregnant, I started to register for different Kitas around my place. I did it literally as soon as I knew I was pregnant, so not even my mother knew she was going to be upgraded to Grandmother, and my future baby was already registered in many Kitas. I did this in March, and my baby was born in November. Today is January, and I still do not have any answer that I will have a place at all.
One of the challenges is that there are not so many, or there are many that do not take babies younger than 1 year old or 2 years old. There are also some that only offer service until 3pm, which is not compatible with our jobs. The waiting list is also very long, it can take up to two years, isn't it incredible? This only makes sense in this country because many women take two years of maternity leave. In my case, I was registered in March 2014, and I want to find something from June 2015, which is after one year and three months and my baby will be more than six months old, but I don't have much hope to find anything to be honest! In all the Kitas I have been told that there is a long queue, that they cannot promise me there will be a place and so on.
The prices change. The public Kita was the cheapest. I already forgot the price, because I can only remember that we were told that they have 24 places and over 1000 registrations for next year, so it would be a miracle (and what a pity because it is so close to us!). The other Kitas are around 500 to 800 euros per month, and food can be around 80 to 100 euros extra per month. So yes, I believe that opening a Kita is a great business in Munich. I guess that if they were more expensive, they would also be full and with a long waiting list, as there are not enough.
In summary, I think that apart that is not well seen, it is a big challenge to go back to work because there is not enough daycare. It is also very expensive, so many families may think that does not compensate to pay that if the salaries are not high enough. I have no idea how I would solve our situation, my strategy is to start calling and writing to all the Kitas again from today until I get a positive answer! Fingers crossed! There are other alternatives: Tagesmutter or to hire a nanny, and I will talk about those in the next posts.

Happy New Year 2015

Happy new year 2015! 2014 was amazing and exciting, as I was pregnant and my little baby was born in November. I would like to make my New Year's resolutions, first time in my life that I write them.

• My baby is my priority: I want to continue reading lots of books and forums and learning how to be a better mom. I want to learn how to stimulate her each day and the best way to play with her. I promise to organise my life around her. 
• I promise to take care of the relationship with my partner. I promise to keep finding special moments for ourselves, like every week we should have a special dinner, open a nice bottle of wine... I promise not to complain about my family in law if they do not help us with the baby and just accept the cultural differences. 
• I promise to take care of myself. I want to lose all the weight of the pregnancy. I have to take care of myself so I do not look like the fat zombie I look now. I promise to go back to the gym at least twice per week once I am allowed again. 
• I promise to travel with her to my home country a couple of times, and keep her in touch with my family through video-calls. I promise to find time in the week to keep in touch with my friends back home.

And what are my wishes for 2015?

• First of all health. Health for family and friends. And health for my little baby, I am always so worried about her health since I saw a positive in the pregnancy test! So far she has been doing great, and I really hope she continues like this next year.
• Of course I also hope that this new year brings lots of love. I have a little new person who I love so much. I also hope that the love with my partner stays at least at the same level, and the stress and sleepless nights do not affect our relationship.
• If I start thinking of practical wishes, and since I am writing a blog that is called "working mom in Germany", I hope that this year I can manage going back to work with spending quality time with my baby. I need first to find childcare. I hope I can solve the situation in the first months of the year. I hope my baby enjoys it. I hope my husband and me are able to manage our new schedule. 
• I hope that in 2015 I will do lots of thing with my baby. We will play a lot together, she will develop fine, learn to walk and we travel with her and she learns a lot this year.

Welcome, 2015!!